Monday, March 28, 2011

When troubles come…

Life is not fair! It really isn’t! Oh, God, my God, my heavenly Father, please help me! You are my last hope! No, it’s wrong. I really shouldn’t have said that. You should be my Only Hope! But sometimes it isn’t easy at all to come to You. Not, that I’m disappointed.. though I am, but not in You! You always tell me not to quit and then everything gets even harder. I need to trust You more and more. Now there is a battle close at hand and I know You are here with me, You help me stand… I trust You, Lord, even if I can’t see You.

For those, who don’t know what exactly is going on, I share with you the short version. The point is that I was trying really hard to finish my thesis and I wrote about the third of the main part, which I also sent to my consultant. He didn’t answer for a while but then he kept asking me for more time. After 6 weeks (notice, it’s almost 2 months later – at last the calendar tells so) he wanted me to got to the university to meet him. So I had to ask the dean of students and the Bible school director and academic dean to let me go. I met him today and he told me about his wonderful ideas which were originally mine. When I went up to him two years ago with those ideas he told me not to use those topics in the thesis. He also told me that he didn’t advise me to turn in the thesis this spring because he won’t have time to read it and he would give me an F or maybe a D. And if it’s an F, I’m not even allowed to go to the state exam. But if I turn it in in the fall, I can get an A or B… That’s really discouraging and isn’t fair at all! I’d already left when the most important question came into my mind… I didn’t want to write more for the main part until I was sure it’s good. So I went back, knocked on his door and asked about the ten pages I attached him more than 6 weeks before. It’s totally fine, I just need to structuralize it… Yes, thank you… how on Earth could I finish my thesis now? I need those missing weeks! And even if I‘d finish… I couldn’t pass the first step… And I shouldn’t give up?

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